I Took Time Out Of My Schedule For You

May 8, 2012 |
By

Show Your Friends:

I get it. You’re important. You are a very busy person that has to work at your crappy 9-5 job and then has to come home and go through an entire TiVo lineup of Jersey Shore, Kardashians, Real Housewives and TMZ. How are you supposed to stay relevant in society if you can’t feed your brain with the same cancer inducing programming as everyone else? You have a dog. That’s almost like having a baby. Very important. It’s also raining outside. Everyone knows how scary rain is. Sure you made plans to hang out with me at 8pm. You’re very important though. So how can you be held accountable to actually keep the commitment? IT WAS FUCKING RAINING. You can’t have this foreign substance hitting your face and causing your fatal demise like the Wicked Witch of the West.

Of course, you were tagged on Facebook that you were at some shitty party, at some shitty club, because that mexican guy from That 70s Show was there and, well, you’re important. So you had to show your face. How would the party commence without your presence? Not a big deal though, ‘cause you only stopped by for a few minutes and then headed home due to feeling sick. So sick that the radiation from your cellphone prevented your fingers from dialing the keypad until you finally fell asleep in the struggle and didn’t bother informing me. Then, you saw me a few days later and proceeded to have a conversation as if nothing happened.

As a society, we have finally landed in a place of history where everyone thinks that their pitiful lives are more important than everyone else’s. The ME Generation of The MEllennials. Time and time again I’m faced with people that not only fail to keep commitments, but do so repeatedly. There’s no such thing as commitments anymore. They are now “when the time gets closer to when we’re supposed to meet and I actually feel like going, or don’t have something ‘better’ pop up, I’m 100% I’ll show up.”

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I refrain from bitching at you though because I assumed you were a responsible adult. Instead I just smiled and marked a tick in my brain under your name in the column for “Asshole”. I wouldn’t want to bore you with what I have to endure everyday. That I work 60 hours a week for my day job in order to make ends meet so that I can pour another 30 hours into Stand Up comedy. That I travel 30+ times a year, while retaining the working hours, leaving me with barely enough time to jerk off. That I have a large burden of stress because I put a huge chunk of my income towards my parents since they don’t have Romney money, or any money for that matter. That I’m touching just 6 hours of sleep a night in which most of it is filled with nightmares about shit I have to do for work. That I’d be lucky to get one dream, ONE DREAM, in which I was a ninja doing a round house kick straight to your stupid face. No. I wouldn’t push that onto you. I’m an adult.

Even as tired, stressed and depressed as I am, I still know that I’ve committed to meet you. Yet you fail to show or tell me 10 minutes prior that you can’t make it as I sit there like a schmo wasting what little personal time I have. Experiences like this are happening at such a high rate with numerous people that I’ve gotten to a point where I have to text people in increments beforehand for confirmations. A day before, “Are we still on for tomorrow at 8pm?” A few hours before, “Are we still on for 8pm tonight?” Right before I leave, “Let me know when you’re leaving so I can leave accordingly…….okay?” No answer. “Hey it’s 8pm, not sure if we’re hanging?” No answer.

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I understand, your terrible memory is to blame. It’s not like our ancestors had the ability to memorize thousands of pages of information, so how could you be expected to remember such a simple thing? You can always get something like Google Calendar. It’ll even e-mail/text/call you with alerts so that you can refrain from being a prick. Technology is not your thing? No worries. Here’s another solution: STOP MAKING COMMITMENTS YOU CANNOT KEEP. It doesn’t hurt my feelings if you say no, but it’ll surely piss me off if I took time out of my schedule for you and you bailed.

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